Three Little GK
by Kou1
Summary: What happens when Invaders trash AEGIS? Absolute rubbish...


"THREE LITTLE GATEKEEPERS"  
by: kou [Honky_Toinky@hotmail.com]  
Aurthor's note: Preeeesenting........ the corniest most nonsensical fic I've ever written. Ok. Here's the very first parody I've ever written on the base of 3 little pigs.   
  
  
  
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Three Little Gatekeepers   
A gatekeepers fanfic   
by Kou  
  
  
WHAM!   
  
BANG!   
  
SLAM!   
  
"Ouch."   
  
"That's what you get for calling me that, baka!" Ruriko sniffed, stomping off into the distance. Shun picked himself off the ground outside the AEGIS Far East Branch headquaters, head throbbing with all the chickens flying in and out of his ears.   
  
"Sniveling Sniveler! This is my new..." Shun looked down at his atire.   
  
"... dress."   
  
  
*20 minutes ago*  
  
  
"And so that ends our meeting. Twiddle dee dum." announced the commander, twiddling with his fingers. "So you each have to build one house by the end of two weeks. Understand?"   
  
"HUH??!! But this is AEGIS!! Can't you all just build us new houses??" yelled Bancho, waving his wooden slipper in the air furiously. "That stupid %*&%^#@ invader ruined our homes @@%$#!&*!!!"   
  
"But this is AEGIS!! Can't you all just build us new houses?" mimicked the commander in a mickey mouse tone, calmly dodging another rotten fruit thrown at his head. "But my house got bombed too. Everyone of the gatekeepers have been hit. I've only got enough sleeping arrangements here in the base. Three of you cannot be housed here and must be housed outside."   
  
"HUH??!!"   
  
"I need three volounteers."   
  
"I'll go." said Ruriko, stepping forward.   
  
"Me too." added Shun, scratching his dust covered hair.   
  
The rest of the gatekeepers remained silent.   
  
"So? One more..."   
  
"Count me in." said Kaoru, putting up a peace sign and grinning, inwardly screaming at herself for her stupid desicion.   
  
"Good. Now get out of here. Miss Secretary, please pass the sewing needle and the blue thread. I want to finish sewing this sock."   
  
"How bout our clothes??" Bancho asked.   
  
"Oh, yes. We could not salvage any clothing from your houses so we bought some from a nearby store."   
  
"ALL RIGHT!! BRANDED GOODS!!!"   
  
"I don't think it'll be what you expect."   
  
(And that's where we get to our poor Shun...)   
  
"Why do I hafta wear a stupid dress??!!"   
  
"It looks nice on you Ukiya-sempai!"   
  
Shun spun around to see a very dazed Kaoru wearing nothing but a...   
  
"Urm... Kaoru... where did you get THAT??"   
  
"Hmm? The commander gave it to me..."   
  
"Can I have it?"   
  
"Hm. Ok!"   
  
Yet another 20 minutes later, Shun was clad in a baggy pair of khaki shorts and an oversized shirt, leaving the frilly dress to Kaoru. He strolled over to a patch of land, flopping down to the grass, well prepared to fall asleep when...   
  
"BAKA!!! You're supposed to be building a house!"   
  
Shun started and looked around to see Ruriko toiling away in her pair of overly short shorts once again provided by the sicko of a commander, constructing a chubby brick house.   
  
"Fine fine... Jeez... Stupid Rurippe..." he grumbled, stomping off into the forest where he once again rammed into a very busy Kaoru.   
  
"Ohayo, Ukiya-sempai! I'm picking straw for my house!" She said, hauling behind her at least 12 truck loads of happy cup drinking straws.   
  
"Oh. Ok."   
  
"Hai! See you later!" she practically shouted in her enthusiasm, turning sharply, whacking him to the ground. He fell onto a conviently located pile of wood...   
  
"FINE! I'LL BUILD MY HOUSE OUT OF WOOD!!!"   
  
  
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Unfortunately, a pretty nasty wolf living across the street heard his loud exclamation and rubbed his tummy.   
  
"Hmm... A gullible little boy... Sounds..." he licked his lips. "...tasty. And little boys always come with other little children especially..." he licked his lips again. "... little girls... and little girls always have their little..." he licked his lips again. "... friends..." He was about to lick his lips again when his set of dentures fell to the floor with a   
  
Ka-thunk.   
  
Deciding his lips were wrinkly from too much bodily fluids, he took a lackadaisial (hahaha. I just learned this word. It means lazy.) walk to the magic mirror he held captive in his toilet.   
  
"Mirror mirror on the wall. How many kids are there in all?"   
  
"Phew... It stinks in here... do you ever clean this shit house?" retorted the mirror, wrinkling its nose... If it had one to begin with.   
  
"Hey! Answer the question you damned psycho cosmetic appliance!"   
  
"Okok. Three. Two girls and one guy. Ok? Now spray some goddam air freshener around this place! It smells worse than godzilla's arse!"   
  
"Fine!" Cried the wolf, zapping the air with a powerful jet of peanut smelling mist.   
  
"Good. Anything else? I have to warn you. They are very powerful. Not like the three little pigs..." the mirror warned, gesturing to the trophy head hanging on the wall.   
  
"Yeah yeah. Whatever. I'm going over to eat them right now!" he annouced, eyes gleaming in a maglient glow, claws shimmering in hunter's readiness and cold blooded canniblism, teeth seeming to grow larger and sharper with each passing moment.   
  
The wolf smacked his lips...   
  
Ka-thunk.   
  
"Do you have any glue?"   
  
  
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"YES!!!!!! I"M DONE!!!!" cried Shun, stretching and admiring his handiwork. A ricktey small, dank house of rotting sticks.   
  
He threw himself on the grass, starting to doze off once again when...   
  
"AHHHH!!!!!!!!"   
  
(several miles away)   
  
"OPEN UP YOU LITTLE BRAT! OR I'LL HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!" the wolf roared.   
  
Silence.   
  
"I SAID LET ME IIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Silence.   
  
"AHHHHH!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME??!!!"   
  
"Of course I can. I'm right beside you." said Kaoru, returning from the forest with a pile of fire wood.   
  
"HUH?? WHAT DO YOU NEED FIRE WOOD FOR?? YOUR HOUSE IS MADE OUT OF STRAW!"   
  
"So what? Go away. I want to have a barbeque tonight."   
  
"BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE... AFRAID!!!!!!!!" With that, he threw his head back and howled... then choked as the pair of dentures slid off his jaw and into his throat.   
  
"I said... GO AWAY!!!!!!" Kaoru yelled, flinging the giant 7 metre tall wolf off into the distance where he landed with a KA-THUNK   
  
outside Shun's wooden house.   
  
"Hello. What are you doing here?"   
  
The wolf shook his head, almost immediatly prancing up to his feet and into a fighting stance at the sight of Shun.   
  
"LET ME IN OR I'LL HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW YOUR HOUSE..."   
  
"Oh. I don't think there's enough space in here for you. And as you can see. I'm not inside. Rurippe might have some space for you. She has a much bigger house."   
  
"AREN'T YOU SCARED??!!! I'M SO BIG AND HUGE AND WITH SUCH BIG EYES AND LONG EARS AND SHARP TEETH!!!!!!!!"   
  
Shun lifted his sunglasses slightly and eyed the wolf over skeptically.   
  
"Nah. I've seen dogs bigger than you and... you don't have any teeth."   
  
Sure enough, the wolf's teeth had dislodged from his throat and flew off onto the patch of rolling grass outside Ruriko's newly completed brick house.   
  
The wolf hurried over to Ruriko's house, stuffing the grassy, minty fresh dentures into his mouth.   
  
"AHEM. LET ME IN OR I'LL HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW YOUR..."   
  
"Hahaha. I don't think so." called ruriko who had suddenly popped out from the chimney... chimney???   
  
"WHY NOT??!!" shouted the wolf through a mouth full of grass.   
  
"Because... ARROW OF LIGHT!!!!!!!!!" she yelled. She shot an arrow straight at the wolf's head and in a flash of light, the wolf was.....bald.   
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR???????!!!!" howled the wolf hysterically, clutching the remenants of his pride.   
  
"It's toast. And besides, I don't think you CAN blow my house down because it's got 200 metres of foundation piling, 16 feet of shock absorber, 20 feet of earthquake resistant infringement zone..."   
  
"ENOUGH ENOUGH!!!!!! I'M GOING HOME!!!!!!" screamed the wolf, throwing down his dentures KA-THUNK and running off into the sunset howling like a baby... wolf. Anyways.   
  
  
THE END.  
  
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